Why Does My Teen Act Like Their Friends?

You might be wondering why your teen is losing their individuality and acting like their friends. This can be especially frustrating if those friends are always getting into trouble, sneaking out of their parents’ house at night, and are generally being a nuisance. 

Your child’s friends may have more influence over them than you do.

The power of peer pressure and influence may be one reason why your teen acts like their friends. Because many teens spend much of their time online—often through social media sites such as Facebook or Instagram—it’s easy for them to find people who share similar interests and values as them (or at least those values which may seem harmless at first glance). This leads to teens acting like their friends. But these kinds of interactions can also lead kids into dangerous situations if those people encourage things like bullying or drug use among others within these virtual communities.

It’s natural that your teen would want to be accepted by their friends. After all, they’re kids and they’re trying to find their place in the world. Peer pressure is a strong force that pushes teens in certain directions when they don’t yet know their own mind as an individual. 

At this stage of life, teenagers are trying to find their own identity. They want to be different from their parents and they want to be independent. They also want to fit in with the crowd, which is why they may act like a peer when it comes down to it.

Peer orientation and competing attachment – Why your teen is acting like their friends

According to Dr Gordan Neufeld and Dr Gabor Mate in their book ‘Hold Onto Your Kids’, teenagers these days  are not turning to their parents for advice, guidance and instruction but rather to their peers. This is what they referred to as ‘peer orientation’. They describe peer orientation as the most damaging of the competing attachments as teenagers are putting their immature peers in an almost parental role, peers who could never lead them to maturity. Peer orientation undermines parental authority and love and only increases the bond between teens and their peers rather than teens and their parents. 

This is why it is so important to encourage parent orientation, so that your teen can look to you as their guide and role model. The way we can start off is by giving our children our valuable asset, which is time. As parents, it’s necessary to give your child all of your attention sometimes, even when they aren’t necessarily asking for it. This demonstrates to the child that the relationship is not based on give and take. 

Validate your teens feelings and emotions

Teenage years are often a rollercoaster of emotions and hormones for your child. They often still do not know how to regulate those emotions and feelings. A parent should make their child feel safe in expressing their emotions and should not invalidate them. The teens will then look at you as a guide for managing their emotions in a healthy way and this will strengthen your attachment to them.

Get yourself involved in their interests

In order to develop a point of connection with your teen, educate yourself on their interests. For example, if your teen is really enjoys watching basketball games, then try to accompany them so that you are spending quality time together and can engage in conversation about a common interest. This will help your teen to stop acting like their friend and be an individual.

Enforce guidelines and limits

Having regular routines with your teenager such as family dinners, vacations and outings gives your teen structure and avoids them straying too far away from you. It is also important to place reasonable restrictions on cell phone, social media use and peer contact, so that the primary connection is still with you. However, do not enforce very strict rules about these restrictions as it will just push your teen further away from me. 

If you feel like your teenager is becoming too negatively influenced by their peers and you don’t know what else you can do, visit our webpage on teenage counseling. We offer regular counseling sessions for teenagers and give them an outlet to talk about what they’re feeling. Counseling is a proven way to help teenagers overcome mental health struggles.