Do you have a kid who appears lazy? Are they always playing video games, watching TV, and not doing their chores or homework? If so, it’s time to change things up. Some kids are naturally more active than others but all kids can learn to be more productive in life.
The word ‘lazy’ is a catch-all phrase that surprisingly has very little credence in psychology. Kids who appear lazy are doing so because, from a developmental standpoint, they are not yet showing signs of the emergence processes that result in independent responsibility taking and it is our job to help them get there. We’ve put together some tips below that can help your child overcome “laziness” and develop independence.
Does your child WANT to do it?
First and foremost, parents need to consider whether their child actually WANTS to do the activity they are being asked to do. You will always feel like you are in an uphill battle, until the day your child decides they want to do it themselves. So instead of just resorting to bribes, threats, and coercion, parents should consider what conditions are contributing to the child not wanting to do the activity. Then, parents need to work on changing those conditions so that their child feels naturally more willing. For example, if they hate cleaning their room, clean their room with them. Turn it into a bonding activity that also shows them how nice it feels to be in a clean, organized room. Finally, when a child does not care about a particular task, think of ways to help them take pride in the process of execution and the feeling of accomplishment regardless of the activity.
Focus on strengths and efforts over outcomes
Until the day when your child has an interest in completing the task, parents should avoid overemphasizing the technical aspects of achieving high-standard results, and focus on the efforts and strengths involved in attempting the task at all. Sometimes, children can appear lazy because they are afraid they will fail to meet expectations or are daunted by the task. So in order to avoid feeling stressed or disappointed they do not try at all. A way you can help your child build confidence and motivation is by highlighting their efforts and the character traits you saw them demonstrate. For example, praise them for their efforts to complete their math homework and highlight how proud you are that they followed through on it. Emphasize the importance of ‘follow through’ as a character strength. Tell them how glad you are that they are the kind of person who has this strength. Assure them that the ability to follow through will be very valuable in life.
Use reverse psychology
Get creative and help your child with the task while making it fun and painless at the same time. Do it with them regularly so that eventually they come to not mind it. Act as if you don’t mind helping them with the task so that they reach a point of wanting to do it by themselves. Give them the option to do it with you or on their own. Maintain the structure so that they come to realize avoidance of the task is not an option. They will feel like they are graduating to a new level when they eventually get to do the task themselves without you having to step in. Use reverse psychology and ask ‘Are you sure you can handle it yourself? Do you think you’ve got it? I’m happy to do it with you.’ Instead of coming from an angle of ‘this is a chore.’ ‘you have to do this’. If you keep labeling it as a chore, it will always feel like a chore. However, if you frame it as a task that will make them feel grown and responsible, they will eventually take pride in doing it.
Set up a routine and stick to it
Maintain structures and do not sway from them. Teach your child that there is an order for doing things. For example, personal playtime is always after homework. Validate what the child would prefer to do and reassure them that “yes, you can do that after __.” Instead of using the hostile “no!”, you can assure them that if they first do their task, they can do their preferred activity after.
Position yourself as a coach who understands your child’s frustrations
If all else fails, doing things we don’t like sometimes is a necessary evil in life. Parents can take the opportunity to help their children accept unwanted situations. The parent should position themselves as a coach who understands their child’s frustrations and reasons for not wanting to while holding the boundary and insisting that unfortunately, it has to be done. The more parents can acknowledge their child’s perspective, while simultaneously throwing their hands up and calmly stating “what can we do, this has to get done” the easier time their child will have coming to terms with the situation.
It can be very frustrating trying to get a child to do something they do not have the motivation to do. However, the answer isn’t to just force them to do the task as this will contribute to further resistance and create a cycle of power struggles that result in lazy behavior. By making the task enjoyable, helping them along the way, and highlighting their strengths and efforts, you can change your child’s attitude toward certain tasks. However, if you feel the problem runs deeper, visit our page on child therapy. Additionally, if you would like more advice on effective parenting methods, visit our page on parent coaching.
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