How To Know When Your Teenager Needs Counseling

How to know when your teenager needs counseling is a difficult thing for a parent to understand and learn. As a parent, one of the most frustrating experiences is seeing your child struggle but they will not let you help them. It can be hard trying to understand what your teen is going through and knowing that they need help, but not knowing what you can do. However, there are common warning signs and indications to let you decipher whether your child is dealing with teenage depression, anxiety or are struggling more generally with growth and development, and would benefit from counseling.

Warning signs that your relationship with your child is not strong enough to support their growth and development

The parent-child relationship has a significant impact on healthy growth and development. For a child to grow up healthily, they need to be deeply rooted in that relationship. However, there are some questions you can ask yourself to determine how your child perceives their relationship with you and get a better understanding of how to know when your teenager needs counseling.

Some of the questions are as follows:

• Does your child want to be around you physically?
• Do you have things in common with your child?
• Does your child WANT to behave, listen and be good for you?
• Does your child feel like they matter to you or is it based on behavior and accomplishments?
• Does your child feel unconditionally loved by you even when they do not meet your expectations?
• Does your child want to include you in your life or are they lying, sneaking around, and keeping secrets?
• Does your child regularly disrespect and defy you?
• Does your child resist guidance and being parented?

If you find that in general, your child does not want to be around you, does not want to include you in their life and regularly disrespects and defies you; then it may be that you are not in control of your relationship with them. Children need their parents to be the ‘pilot’ in the relationship and if it feels like your relationship with your child is not strong enough, then family counseling can be beneficial.

Warning signs that your child is not building the skills for resilience

• Your child cannot accept the word ‘no’
• Your child does not learn from their mistakes
• Emotional numbing out
• Lack of interest in things and an ‘I don’t care’ attitude
• Isolation e.g too much time alone in bedroom
• Academic trouble and decline in grades

Warning signs that your child is not maturing into their own person

• hyper-focused on peer relationships
• hyper-focused on feelings of being judged and what others think
• hyper-focused on body image 
• excessive technology use
• Constant need for distraction
• Not having any interests
• Directionless

Warning signs that your child is struggling with self-control

• Emotional outbursts
• Black and white thinking
• Conformity
• Irresponsible
• Impulsive
• Excessive procrastination
• Executive function deficits; time management, focused attention, organization, planning, prioritization, self-awareness, task initiation

Warning signs that your child may be struggling with their emotional health

• Physical manifestations of anxiety e.g. stomach aches
• Panic attacks
• Excessive use of defense mechanisms e.g. denying, minimizing, rationalizing, justifying, blaming self or others
• Sleep issues
• Issues with nutrition – eating too much or too little 
• The absence of vulnerable emotions like sadness, love, hurt, fear, grief, regret

All these warning signs are strong indicators that your child would benefit from counseling and having somebody to talk to, to overcome their internal struggles. Family counseling or parent coaching is also a great option for trying to strengthen the relationship with your child and taking control of the relationship.