How To Help Your Child With Self-Regulation

It can be difficult to help your child with self-regulation. You want them to understand that their emotions are normal and that it’s okay for them to feel bad or low sometimes. However, you also don’t want them getting caught up in those negative feelings forever. Here are some ways you can help your child learn how to calm down when they’re overwhelmed:

• Give them a hug.
• Ask them to take a deep breath.
• Use the 4 N’s: Nonjudgmentally Notice, Name and Normalize what they appear to be feeling. 
• Ask your child what they need at this moment in time and honor their request. 
• If your child is willing to talk about how they are feeling, focus on making observations rather than asking too many questions. 
• Help your child temper their emotions by pointing out any inner conflict you observe. “part of you feels ___ and part of you feels ___,” “on the one hand you’re thinking ___ and on the other hand you’re thinking ___.”
• In the event that your child asks to be left alone, warmly and patiently give them some space. Let them know that you will come back in a certain amount of time to make sure they are okay. Always come back when you said you would. Give more love than is pursued in the situation. 
• Avoid advice-giving, lectures and demands when your child is dysregulated. They will not be able to receive it openly or process your point of view. Make it as safe and easy as possible for your child to lower their defensiveness when feeling distressed. 

Model self-regulation for your child.

There are many ways to model self-regulation for your child. Some examples are:

• Practice the 4 N’s of Nonjudgmentally Noticing, Naming and Normalizing what they are feeling. 
• Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way sometimes, and that you can handle the situation in a healthy way. This serves as a great example for your child. By seeing how easily you deal with difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them yourself!
• Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.
• Get into bed with them at night and read or talk together before bedtime. This lets them know it’s okay to be close to someone even if there is tension between them.

The benefits of teaching your child to label their emotions.

A big part of self-regulation is understanding your emotions in the moment and labeling them can be an effective way to do this. By labeling their feelings, kids learn how to manage those feelings and control their behavior, so they don’t act out on them.

Labeling emotions helps children understand and connect with others as well as labeling gives kids a chance to think about how they’re feeling and why they might be feeling that way before reacting or acting out on those feelings.

Help your child develop positive coping strategies.

When your child is struggling to manage their emotions and behaviors, it’s important for them to have a variety of positive coping strategies at their disposal.

Positive coping strategies include:

• Talking through their feelings with a trusted adult or friend who can provide warmth, comfort and non judgemental support.
• Doing something to release emotional energy like exercising, playing outside, journaling or drawing.
• Taking breaks or changing the environmental setting when they are too overwhelmed. 

Your children will also benefit from learning about their body’s signals and the difference between physical sensations and emotional ones. For example: angry feelings are often accompanied by clenched fists or an increased heart rate; happy feelings usually produce a smile and sad feelings result in tears. Your children need to understand this so that they know when it’s time for them to take action and when it’s best for them to just relax until their feelings pass.

Once your child has learned about emotions and coping strategies, you should choose a time when they appear open to your guidance, and  teach them relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises or visualization exercises (like picturing themselves floating on clouds). These techniques may seem unusual, but they can be very beneficial. 

Sometimes, parents need a little additional help themselves to help their children with self-regulation. Visit our webpage on teenage counseling and child therapy for more knowledge on how we can help. Regular counseling sessions with a therapist can be beneficial for your child’s mental health. We are ready to assist parents in Florida who would like an extra helping hand in developing their child’s self-regulation skills.