How To Help My Child Make Good Friends

As a parent, you want to help your child make good, supportive friends. You want them to learn how to interact with others in positive ways and avoid people who will influence them in negative ways. However, it can be hard for parents to know what they can do to ensure that their child has good friendships. 

An important first step is establishing a positive relationship with your child. Your child needs to feel comfortable talking openly with you about what’s going on in their life, and that includes thoughts about friendships and other relationships.

How to establish a positive relationship with your child

As a parent, you have an important role to play in helping your child make friends. Here’s how you can strengthen your relationship with your child:

• Listen to your child and be a good listener. Let them know that they can always come to you for advice or help with problems.
• Be a good role model by treating others with respect, being friendly and kind yourself, and setting limits on behavior that is unacceptable.
• Communicate clearly and openly with your child about what kind of friend they should look for. This can include looking for traits of honesty, kindness, respect, and responsibility in a friend. 
• Be the one to introduce your child to peers who are a good influence. Encourage the relationship by endearing each person to the other the best you can.  

However, don’t push friendships on your child. This is a common mistake parents make, and it can be a dangerous one. If your child doesn’t like someone, don’t force them to be friends with that person. Instead of pressuring your child into spending time with someone they don’t want to spend time with, encourage them to find other people who are more compatible for them.

How to help your children develop social skills

• Engage your children in hobbies and social activities where they can meet new people. Make sure the activity is something that interests them so that they are motivated to go. For example, enrolling them into a karate class. They can meet friends who have that common interest and can meet them on a regular basis in a fun setting. 
• Teach them communication skills so that they feel confident in initiating conversations with other children. Strengthening their communication skills will help them to form friendships as everybody wants friends they can easily talk to.
• Encourage empathy in your child.  Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It will make your child a better friend and is important for healthy relationships.  Parents can develop empathy in their children by having them do things that help others in need—for example, donating to the homeless. 
• Encourage active listening in your children. Active listening is focusing and giving full attention to what the other person is saying. The active listener can convey that they are actually listening through nonverbal signs such as eye contact, smiles and nods. They can also demonstrate they are listening through verbal signs such as posing questions or asking for clarification. 
• Encourage them to focus on mutual respect. If your child has respect for their peers then they will likely receive respect back.

If you want to help your child make good friends, it’s important to teach them how to analyze their own relationships. One of the best ways you can do this is by asking questions that will encourage your child to think deeply about why they like or don’t like their friends, and what they would change about them. The following questions are great conversation starters:

• How do you feel when [your friend] is around?
• What do you like best about [your friend]?
• What don’t you like about [your friend]?
• If there were one thing that was different about [your friend], what would it be?

How to teach your kids to handle conflict

• Teach your child to listen and have empathy for the feelings of others while also keeping in mind their own feelings and needs. This can be done by highlighting your child’s inner conflict. You can say things like ‘you feel ____ way and they feel ____ way.” You would like ____ and you’re frustrated because they want ____.” “You see it ____ way and they see it ___ way.” Follow these statements up with validation of your child’s point of view, while encouraging them to consider why their friend may see the situation differently. Advocate for the idea that both points of view may be valid and a reflection of each person’s legitimate needs and wants. 

• Encourage assertive communication in your child. Assertive communication is voicing your point of view and opinion that direct and clear but is also respectful. This helps to avoid conflict as it reduces the risk of an argument occurring. An example of assertive communication is saying “I respect your opinion, but let’s agree to disagree”. 

Encourage friendships

You can help your child make friends in a variety of ways.

• Encourage your child to be a good friend to others.
• Encourage your child to be a good listener.
• Encourage your child to be a good helper.
• Encourage your child to act with courage and pursue good, healthy friendships even when they feel afraid. 

The most important thing you can do to help your child make good friends is to show them that you support them. If they feel like they have a safe place to go when they need it, they are more likely to be able to explore the world around them without being afraid of making mistakes or getting hurt by others. The key is to make it safe and easy for your child to talk to you about their friendship challenges, by refraining from harsh criticism and supporting them through the process of making good friends. 

We offer life coaching services for teenagers. When your teenager works with us, they will have the opportunity to explore their challenges and learn ways of overcoming them, including the challenge of helping them to make good friends. Their coach will act as a sounding board, guide and accountability partner. However, if you feel your teen is struggling to make friends due to an underlying mental health condition such as autism, then visit our webpage for child therapy and/or teen counseling.